Changes In Our Family (also In Which We See God is Faithful) part 3

Once again I am going to go back before I move forward. People were still finding our about our failed match, they were still stopping us and talking to us with tears in their eyes, they were showing love to Ellen, they were offering kind words, and sweet words.  Oh, there were a few well-meaning people who made comments that honestly were more offensive than comforting.  I think they were well intended, just offensive.  Please do not make any “well at least…”  or any “good thing…”  comments to an adoptive family who is sad and recovering from a failed match.  I’d like to think you mean well, but it does not go over well, it hurts and stings and the words echo in our head long after you think you offered comfort and left.  Really a simple “I’m so sorry” is enough, actually better than enough, it is perfect.  It shows you really care, and you really wanted things to work out.  {there I feel better}

On Sunday September 7th Ellen’s profile was shown to the bio-mom of the still critical and high risk J2.  We were anxious and we were prayerful, we were filled with nervous energy.

September 8th had us more anxious, surely we would have heard something.  Anything really, we needed an answer.  By this time in the school year we were up on stage painting for Alice In Wonderland, We had finished the garden scene and we were on to painting Wonderland.  The crew of people who work on set, have a close relationship we share each others joy and pain, we listen and we give advice, but mostly we offer friendship.

It was mid morning on September 8th.  The cafeteria was empty, save the lunch room ladies who were eating their lunch before the meal rush, the set crew was on stage working away and my kids were with me.  It was quiet and calm, I was painting and nursing PS, while little A was riding her scooter around the empty cafeteria, the other painting moms were working behind me.

My phone rang.

I looked at caller ID, it was my sister.  I’ll be honest I was afraid to answer, because I was afraid I was going to have to go find her to comfort her.  I suddenly was scared, and I wanted to ignore the phone.

“hello”

“Hi Aunt Jen”

I screamed.

I screamed so loud the lunch ladies jumped, they thought I was hurt, behind me I heard KS say “I bet Ellen is a new mom”

I could not stop the tears, I am not even sure what was said in that conversation on the phone except for Hi Aunt Jen.

After squealing and crying and laughing we hung up.  I turned to my set crew and just nodded my head.  I did not need to share my news, they knew!  I swore them to secrecy,  Ellen came on stage during lunch where we cried and hugged and laughed some more.  September 9th she was going to go in and sign papers.  Just like that I was a new aunt and just like that my mother was a new grandma!

That night we smiled a lot, we grinned and we giggled.  It was a spirit night at Chick-fil-A, while we were there taking up 2 tables, a sweet school mom came to us with tears in her eyes, she had learned of our failed adoption and she was offering comfort and sympathy.  The funny thing is we knew Ellen had a baby, we were about to bubble over in excitement, so with her sympathetic offering Ellen just kept reassuring her “God is good,”  and “it will all be for God’s glory in His perfect time”  That poor mom must have thought we were a little crazy, big grins and weird encouragement back to her.

September 8th was the longest night in Ellen’s memory.  She went to bed as a single woman, with dreams in her head about her future.  She knew in the morning she would be a mommy.  She was so anxious to get the paperwork signed, she could not wait to see her baby.

Go hug your kids, and remember the excitement of new love.
jen

 

 

 

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Changes In Our Family (also In Which We See God is Faithful) part 2

Before I continue on with her story, let me back track a little bit, then I can move forward.

You see, we were still praying for our baby, our failed match, she was still heavy on our hearts, we wanted to be sure that she was going to be loved, we knew that in all reality clothing brand, or nursery style were not a top priority, but would our baby girl be loved, and comforted, would she be protected, and played with.  We still love our baby girl, and we still pray for her mom, and honestly our hearts still hurts a little bit for her.

But God…

God already knew that, he knew that with the failed match, we would still worry and love from afar, our baby girl, God knew what we were feeling, and thinking and even those last few hurt questions we would have.  {If this is what rejection felt like I cannot imagine the pain we put on Jesus when we reject his free gift of salvation.  He paid the ultimate price for our adoption into God’s family, and yet some people look at that gift, the exchange of His life for our life, and reject Him.  I cannot imagine the heartache that must cause.}  We knew we had to stay out of the “If Only” thought family.  Those are hardly trusting, and they only serve to draw us away from God, away from trust, away from moving forward.  So we marched forward.  We had a farewell lunch for the man-child, we prayed for him, and loved on him and left him in Ky.  We came home, we started school, we moved forward.   Ellen prayed daily for her new bio-mom, my mother prayed daily for comfort for Ellen and for her new grand daughter. We prayed for our niece and cousin and we prayed for her to come quickly.  We all told God we were sad, we all told God we were confused, we all told God we trusted.  We waited we prayed.

But God…

God knew what we did not know.

August 17th Ellen received this picture.
Not only was our family praying, our friends were praying, and Ellen’s students were praying.  A parent sent Ellen this picture, during Sunday-School the child’s teacher asked them to draw a picture of something they were praying for.  This child was praying for his teacher, and her baby to be.

August 19 Ellen posted this picture.

August 19th our lives were changing.  We had no idea what God was doing for Ellen.  We had no idea what God was doing for our baby, for our bio-mom, and for our family.

August 19th a bio-mom went into labor.  It was early, it was too early.  She was only 25 weeks, she knew it was early.  We were not there, but I am sure the mood in the delivery room by hospital staff was somber, I am sure the doctors and nurses tried to convey hope with the facts of reality.  I am sure there was a lot of hurried steps, and a lot of quiet conversations between the medical staff.  They realized what gravity they faced, I do not know if the bio-mom knew the gravity of the situation.

August 19th the nurses and doctors delivered twin girls J1 and J2.  They were tiny, they were so tiny that it is hard to believe.  They were beautiful but they were too tiny.  They were rushed from the hospital they were born in, to The Children’s Hospital, the hospital where they were born was not equipped to care for such small, and high risk babies.  They were taken to the best hospital in the area.  They were not given much hope, but the staff of nurses and doctors were the best.  The girls were J2- 1lb 12oz and 13 inches long.  J1 was no longer than a ruler.  A child’s school ruler could measure those precious babies.  There were wires and tubes, there were bells and whistles.  There were alarms and nurses, bright lights and scrubs.  The babies were in the best possible location.  They were getting the best possible care.  J2 was a little bigger than her sister, she was a little stronger, she was a little healthier.  J1 was smaller, she was more frail, and even with all the medical acton, the best doctors could offer J1 was not going to make it.  Then a sweet nurse took the heavy job of loving J1 and snuggling with her, she rocked J1 into Jesus arms.  She gave her warmth, and human touch, she gave her a quiet resting spot as J1 went to see Jesus.  Juliette is now resting in heaven waiting for her family.  She did not suffer and die alone, she was rocked, she was loved and she was cared for.

But God…

God already knew that when we learned this part of our baby’s story, we would hurt and cry for a little lost lamb.

This is not the end of her story J2 was stable, she was holding steady and she was getting the best possible care.  That Children’s Hospital was part of God’s plan for Ellen, for us and for our baby.

Baby J2 continued on steady, she has some ups and some downs, she gained the littlest of weight and grew the smallest amount.  And she waited…

September 5th.  Ellen and our mother decided to forgo the preseason football game in sweltering heat.  They decided to go shopping to finish off baby girl’s closet.  We still had no baby, but we were still trusting that God, who knows all things, had a plan for our lives.  On the way over, mother and Ellen were talking about her baby, and the desires of Ellen’s heart.  She admitted that she did not know if she could ride the pregnancy/adoption roller coaster again.  It was emotionally exhausting and she was not sure she wanted that ride, she would do it all over again and again if that was God’s plan, she was just not sure her heart could handle that again.  What she really wanted was a ‘stork drop’ a baby who was born and then the bio-mom chose adoption.  No holding her breath for months, no worry every time contact was lost, a baby who was already here whose mom knew that she could not parent that baby like the baby deserved.

God was in Ikea when Ellen’s phone rang.  God was with Ellen on a bed in Ikea when she sat down to take that call, the agency wanted to know if she would consider being a mommy to a very critical pre-term baby girl.  Ellen asked them to give her a few minutes.  She called me, I wish I could remember the conversation correctly, but what I do remember is the question she asked me.  There is a pre-term baby girl, she was 25 weeks gestation, should I let them show my profile to the bio-mom.  Oh the joy in my heart.  My answer was an instant YES!  Yes we will take that baby, she is our baby!  I knew in my heart that J2 was our answer to prayer.

Ellen called the agency back, Yes, please show my profile.  I will be J2’s mommy, I do not care what medical needs she might have, I love her already and I am ready for the challenges of being a NICU mommy.

Saturday Sept 6th was a long day…  We waited by our phones, we paced, we prayed, we were not peaceful we were anxious and we kept crying out to God.

Sunday Sept 7th the agency showed the bio-mom Ellen’s profile, but their printer was not working, she was only able to see a few pages of Ellen’s photo album (the agency had an album to show what Ellen’s life was like) they faxed it and not all of it came through.  But God… God knew, and God had a plan.

Sept 8th my phone rang…

Go hug your kids, think about the strong bond of love you share with someone.  Tell them you love them, that they are treasured.

jen

 

Changes in Our Family (also In Which We See God Is Faithful) Part 1

So, like I promised some Changing News.

This is a long one.  It is so long in fact that it will likely be a 2 part or 3 part series.  Just depending on how quiet the girlies are while I write this story.

All set?

Ok, if you will remember last year, March to be exact I announced that a biological mom had chosen my sister to be her child’s ‘forever mom’, do you remember?  I posted our excitement and thankfulness for God’s goodness on our lives.  We were so thankful for this mom and her gift to us.  My sister began putting money to the bio-mom’s account (per the adoption agency policy-lest you think she did anything dishonest) and we all began praying for her, and loving her from afar.  (how can you not love the woman who is going to give you her child?)  As school drew to a close, the bio-mom wanted to meet my sister.  So it was decided that Ellen would drive up to meet her.  (In the beginning the bio-mom lived in a different state, by the time they were going to meet the bio mom had moved to the very farthest corner of our state)  So Ellen, my mother and O went up to meet her, planning on taking her out to lunch, loving her, getting to know her, and then going to the doctor’s office with her to hear our babies heart beating and get any other medical news we would need.  Through a series of unfortunate events, it was determined that the 3 travelers would only get to go to the doctor’s office.  After returning home from the visit, the bio-mom made it increasingly difficult to get in touch.  With 2 days left to her due date the bio-mom texted her agency she changed her mind, she was not going to give Ellen her baby.  She was going to keep our baby girl.  We were left speechless, and dumbfounded.  We were blindsided by this news, and struggled to cope.  We knew God had a plan, we were so sure that baby girl was our plan.  We cried, we sobbed, we got angry (okay I got angry, I was very angry) but strangely enough my sister did not get angry with the bio-mom, she was sad for her and she was scared for baby girl, but she never got angry.  (I did, I was very angry HOW could anyone do THAT to my sister?  What was she thinking? Why had she changed her mind, this was not best for our baby.-I might still be a little bitter)  We all suffered and began the slow process of healing from that loss.  My sister had a brand new room all outfitted for baby girl, she had clean sheets in the crib, and her hospital bag packed and sitting by the door, she had plans drawn up, the car seat was buckled in her car, the stroller was in the trunk.  Now this woman has dealt us a blow that we did not know how to recover, it was like a death to us.  July was an extremely difficult month for us.  Slowly we began to recover, our hearts began to mend.  Through it all we knew that God had a plan, we assumed that baby girl was our plan, we trusted God, but we were confused and hurt. Did you know that you can trust God and still be sad or hurt?  Yes, God knows your emotions and your heart and He is the one who created you and that pile of emotions you have!  God knew best for our lives, we trusted him, but we were so sad, we were surprised at the change of His plans for our families.  July turned to August, which was difficult in a different way, school was starting, at the end of the school year, all of my sisters students, current and former had celebrated her great news, now she would have to share over and over the loss in her life.

But God…

You see this is the happy start of our story .  Or actually the amazing showing of God’s faithfulness in Ellen’s life.

But God…

But God knew what was best for us, God knew Ellen’s needs, God loved my sister more than I did, more than my mom did,  God loved Ellen so much more than we can grasp.  God had a perfect plan for Ellen and her future.

Soon after school started, August 19th actually, a young woman went into labor…

Go hug your kids, and look for the rest of the story.  While you are waiting, look for some But God… in your life,  Look to see how God shows Himself faithful over and over in your life.

jen

Hello, Is Anyone Out There?

Hello?
Hello, is anyone there?
Hello

Knock-Knock
Hey, I’m back…

Hello?
Anyone?

So I think I have been off blog for most of 2015.  Things happen, both planned and surprises for us.  Some were good, some not so good, but all point to God and His sovereign plan over our lives.  At times it is easy to trust God, and know that before time began He had a perfect plan for our lives and our family, while I like the things I feel are good I have to trust Him during the hard times. The 3 little girls and I took a road trip to go collect the man-child from college.  We were so good at the road trip that we took a 28 hour trip and turned it into 36 hours.  We found this peach orchard along the way.  It has an amazing playground and plenty of picnic area, along with a restaurant (try the peach milkshake or peach bread)This kid is home from college.  And due to some changes he will not be returning to that great college in Ky.  I wish he was going back, I advised him to go back…  But he is not going back, and right now he is not going anywhere.  He will be continuing his education some place I just don’t know where yet.  I am sure I will keep you posted, we all know I love that boy but he has GOT to go away to school.This upside down kid is now a middle schooler in 8 more days.
Making changes faster than I can keep up.   Child #3 is now in braces.  I cannot believe how fast his mouth is changing.  He looks different already.  Much to O’s complaining, R has hardly had any mouth pain, except that his teeth have moved so much the wire has been clipped once and has to be clipped again before his appointment in a few weeks.Someone has been visited by the tooth fairy 3 times already.  How is it possible?!?!  She is changing and growing up right before my eyes.Big changes are coming for these two best buddies.  In the fall one begins her education, while the other completes her high school career.  I can promise that a lot more of us will be crying this year.  You all know I hate that kind of change!The littlest one is now walking, she can walk easily behind the couch but gets stuck when she wants to turn her head.  I can’t believe how big she is getting.  (Can you see the biggest change we are experiencing?)
In a day or so I will update the big change.

What about you?  How have things changed this year?

Go hug your kids, they need your love
jen