My heart is crying today, it has been sad for weeks now.
I am sad because my last child,
is going to Kindergarten.
I am not ready.
We have been a team for the last few years, the two of us, best friends she tells me, all day together, lunch dates together, stage painters together, chick-fil-a play place together, going to dance together, shopping together, road trips together, napping together, reading together, playing together, lunch dates with friends together.
But today we will no longer be together all the time.
My heart is sad.
In my whole adult life I have had a little one with me, twenty three years I’ve had my own little ones with me, babysitting full time before I had my own children, and sometimes babysitting after I had my children. I have never been alone. Oh sure in the first forever years Tuesday was grandma’s day, so most of my kids spent Tuesday with Grandma, laughing, playing, and indulging in things that mom’s just do not do…
But not this one, she has been with me, always.
I love her school, (I’ve loved it since the first one started in 2000) I adore her teacher and her para, she is named after her gym teachers wife, three of her siblings and a cousin will be on campus with her. She is loved by her dad’s assistants, she invited them to her birthday party, the lunch ladies fed her cookies and goldfish each musical season, they filled her with enough chocolate milk to float away. Her siblings friends are her friends (or so she thinks)There is no lack of love for her, transitions is hard for her, but she will be loved. I know it.
As I read to her last night she smothered me with kisses, when we prayed together I cried.
I prayed for this child for the months she grew in my womb, I prayed for this child when she would forget to keep her heart beating in the NICU, I prayed for this child when she would not grow, I prayed for this child as I nursed her and rocked her each night. And tonight I prayed for this child as she starts her new adventure.
I pray that God will use her in a mighty way, that she shows Jesus love to others, that she is friendly and kind to each child no matter their color or ability, no matter if they have light up shoes or mismatched socks, I pray that she will learn to love letters, then words, then books. I pray that she will be excited for chapel, and Bible time in class. I pray that she will obey her teachers, all of them, and not just when she feels like it, but all the time. I pray that she remembers the number 12, that she remembers when counting it is 8, 9, 10, 11, and please don’t forget 12! Because 12 seems to be our nemesis. I pray that she makes good choices, that she follows others who make good choices, or leads by making good choices, I stressed about good choices to her, because we don’t always make good choices. I pray that her heart listens, loves, and learns. I pray that her feelings don’t get hurt, that she does not skin a knee and please don’t let her tummy hurt. I pray that she is not the only other child to throw up in her teachers classroom (the first child being her sister) I pray that this year she is kind.
The 4th grader is anxious, she had a wonderful teacher last year who loved her, prayed for her, and cheered her on, but some things became a struggle and she is nervous about those things being a bigger struggle this year. I love her teacher so much, when I read her welcome letter I cried with joy. Fourth grade seems to be a difficult year for my children, and she is already anxious about it. She snuggled a little longer tonight when we read, and I felt her hot little tears drip down my arm as I prayed for her, and this school year. She cannot tell exactly what makes her nervous, but she keeps telling me her tummy hurts. She is my glitter girl, she leaves a trail of happiness like glitter dust all around her, she makes my heart smile. So when she is anxious it makes me sad for her, I cannot calm her fears, but we talked about the ONE who can. We prayed for a calm heart and a great year, we prayed for obedience, and listening ears. We prayed for her teacher, and the other teachers she will have. Most of all we prayed prayers of thanksgiving for her smart mind, and her strong body, for her kind heart, and sweet spirit. I will miss my little girly who walked around all summer with a book in her hands.
Middle school jitters have my sweet E with an upset stress stomach ache, we prayed for gentle stomach, we prayed for friends, and good choices, we prayed for classes, and teachers, (and the Lord knows who I meant even though I called them the wrong names.) She cannot find her gray sweater, and her lunch box seems to be missing, but her locker is ready and she is taking art. My sweet girl is growing up on me, and we are surviving middle school. I knew we would!
As for the sophomore, I forgot I only have 3 years left with him, I am trying to get him to promise to live here forever, to not go away from home, he is not in favor. We prayed thanksgiving for his strong legs, and healthy heart, we prayed for stronger friendships, and healthy mind to learn quickly, and study better. I am heartbroken that I only have 3 years left before we take him off to college, I know how fast those 3 years will go.
Summer flew by, it always does. Back to school shopping is complete, except for the sketch book we need for art. Lunch boxes are labeled, and backpacks are ready to go as we start our new school year.
Lord please let them be kind, let them be kind, please let them be kind.
So as you see little children walking into school with backpacks as large as their body, know that some of their mamas are losing their best friends today. Because we know it will never be the same again.
Go hug your kids, they could use your love today