I Have Failed As A Mother

I have failed so badly as a mother, so badly that my 6-year-old is now making plans and rules for her own children.  She has thought about these new rules, she has made them in response to the bad parenting I am doing to her.

IMG_2250Here is a sampling of her rules.

I will not make them stay in a car seat when they graduate k-5
(This was after our discussion on 65 lbs before she can get out of a car seat.  We’ve just hit 45 lbs, she might be in 5th grade before she gets that big!)

My children will not have to close their lips shut when they eat.
(Every meal, people, every meal.  If not here then someone is getting corrected on the chewing,)

I will let them stay up when the big kids stay up.
(seems self-explanatory…)

When my kids have red snock (snock is her word for snot.) on their blankets I will wash it right away.
(She had a bloody nose, we cleaned it up, sometime during the night some bloody snot leaked out of her nose onto her blanket, I washed it as soon as she showed it to me.)

When my kids have a snockle nose I will buy them soft kleenex.
(We ran out of kleenex I made her use paper towels until I could get to the store.)

This might be my favorite one!
When I work I will let you care for my children. BUT they do not have to take naps, just ballet, but you can come get me when you take them to Chick Fil A.

So apparently I must be doing something right.  I love that she is planning on me keeping all her kids while she works.  I can’t wait to see what other rules she comes up with as she gets older.

Go hug your kids, and laugh at the funny things they say!
jen

Advertisements

Praying For A Baby Boy

Our schedule is quite predictable, we stay home playing, coloring, napping, laundry, watching Daniel Tiger’s Neighborhood {we just discovered this gem, she loves it!  I won’t tell on the child, but one of the older kids was home recently and now hums the tunes from that episode little A watched with that older sibling.} .  But Wednesday.  Wednesday is ballet day, I know it was Thursday, and each week I have to explain to little A that the class we have gone to for 3 years was canceled, there were just not enough children in the class.  Now there are 10 in her class, seems like a lot of little children running around but so far it is working just fine.
After ballet day is Chick-Fil-A, that never changes.  Ballet to Chick-Fil-A to carline pick up.  {Although this week we did go to Hob’Lob, I needed a few things for a craft fair in May}  This story is about last week, or actually our conversation after leaving CFA, on the way home.  It was so funny I pulled over in a tire shop to write it all down, I did not want to forget any part of it.

***I AM NOT PREGNANT***
*** This is exactly how she started the conversation, apparently she had been thinking about it for a while***

Little A: SO does God come down to earth or do you go up to heaven to have God put the baby in your belly?
Me: No honey, when a person goes to heaven and sees God they don’t ever want to come back to earth, Heaven is too wonderful, and God is so amazing, that when we see God we want to stay in heaven.

Little A: So, does he come down to put the baby in your belly
Me:No baby, when mommies and daddies are in bed kissing then God sometimes gives them a baby.

Little A:Does He get in between you?
Me: Smirking {save room for the Holy Spirit…}

Me: no honey.

Little A: Well does he put the baby in your belly after you are sleeping
Me: Cheeks, I just don’t know

Little A:Why don’t you know you have a bunch of children
Me: {stop the questions!!!
I don’t want my kindergartner explaining the facts of life to her classmates}

Me: Baby, I just can’t explain it right now…
Me:{when will this end?}

Little A: Mamma did all of us get cut out of your belly
Me:{Sigh}
Me: No honey

Little A:Well how did they come out?
Me: Well, God gives moms a special hole for babies to come out.
Sometimes, it does not work out right then the doctors have to cut the baby out.

Little A: So when will God put a boy in your belly
Me:{whew} I don’t know baby

Little A: I’ll just pray about it
Me: ok honey that sounds like a good plan.

It was the longest conversation, and there was no way I could have distracted her.  I don’t want my child to be the one who casually explains baby making in the house keeping corner in the kindergarten classroom…  I don’t want to get THAT phone call from the principal…

Fingers Crossed that she stops asking questions, at least for a little bit…  it is hard to answer while still being obscure on my answers.

Go hug your kids, life is just too short to miss out on the fun.
jen

Wednesday Fun and an Update on Baby #7

Sunday Night is pancake night.  Honestly I am getting tired of pancakes, but the big kid loves them, one year left then O will get to choose Sunday night meals.  I don’t care what it is as long as it is not pancakes!
This week I made pumpkin chocolate chip pancakes while they were cooking R was setting the table.  This is a bit of our conversation during meal preparation.  Like most conversations R is the child M is ME
R~Mom, you should call those girdle cakes
M~What?
R~You should call them girdle cakes because you cook them on your girdle
M~Honey that is a griddle
R~Well whats the difference?
M~A girdle holds in fat a griddle is where you cook food
R~Ok then you should call them griddle cakes

Spelling Test
In 2nd grade Fridays are spelling test day.  Because of E’s teacher they all actually take a pretest and then get new words for the Friday test.  Working the same concepts just more practice.  Anyway, as I was saying Friday is spelling test day.  I ran into E’s teacher at the football game that night.  Here is her story.
“Today while I was giving the spelling test we were on the 3rd or 4th word when a little hand went up.  I asked what was the problem, the child replied “Do we have to spell these words correctly?”  “Yes honey you need to spell the words correctly.”
So that little girl… Yeah she is all mine.  Spell check is my friend!

Toothless wonder
Last week during my 31 party the little girls were “sitting” on the couch, some how while sitting little A accidentally kicked E in the mouth, causing her wobbly tooth to bleed.  You know mouth injuries, they bleed a lot.  A whole lot!  E about lost it with the amount of blood.  No worries we got her all cleaned up and her wobbly tooth was just hanging on, but only just hanging.  I thought for sure it would come out soon.  Nope my kids have sheer will power when it comes to wiggley teeth.  They will leave it alone until the tooth just falls out.  {This tooth has been wiggley really wiggley for months now}  Finally on Sunday night E decided to let her aunt pull the tooth.  After calming the poor scared child down {she ASKED for Ellen to pull the tooth} Ellen pushed it back to give it one more wiggle and the tooth fell into her hand, no need to pull it at all.  She now had a sweet little smile with a cute gap in her mouth.

Vocabulary words
J~”Mom my vocabulary words for today were toppled and erupted.  Want to know the sentences I used them in?  Toppled, I toppled over my desk.  Erupted, I erupted a ton of throw up.”  Lovely son, just lovely.

Pregnancy update
Baby is growing, as far as the sonogram tech can tell the baby is about 12oz and about 10 inches long.  The baby is now the size of a pomegranate, and wiggling about all the time.  We choose to be surprised at the gender and now the dr is going to be surprised too, since baby 7 kept ankles crossed.  There was no getting a good look at “the parts” it looks like baby 7 is a feisty one

Pregnancy Funny
Ok I have been going to this same office for my babies for 18 years now.  I really like the staff, the doctors, and the nurses.  I have been there for 2 different remodel projects, and 5 different doctors from the office have delivered my babies.  A few of the staff has been there the entire time, I love that about the office.  Every single visit at the office they give me a plastic cup with my initials written in sharpie on the cup.  They have a handy door in the restroom, after filling the cup you open the little door and slide your sample into the door and shut it.  Today I had my sonogram and then went back to the waiting room, kissed Keith good-bye and waited for my next appointment.  I had to “go” so I asked for my cup, thinking I would just eliminate one more step in the visit. I headed back to the restroom and talked to my favorite nurse on the way.  I went into the bathroom and proceeded to “fill the cup” and then it happened.  I dropped the cup into the toilet.  sample and all.  I could not stop and I began laughing all alone in the restroom, with a plastic cup sporting my initials floating in the toilet.  I knew I could not leave it there, for one it had my initials on it, they would know it was me, and for another reason I would be ticked if I was trying to go and could not because the toilet was clogged.  So after I finished I had to reach into the toilet and pull out my cup.  I put it in the trash and washed my hands twice before I felt clean enough.  Then like a failure walking the walk of shame I went back into the waiting room, the receptionist said something to me about going to the bathroom, so I walked up to her and whispered “I dropped the cup” she burst out laughing, then I told her I had to fish it out of the toilet and she could not stop laughing at me.  While I was waiting I texted a friend who said the only thing that would add to the hilarity would be if little A was in the bathroom with me, watching it all go down.  I can only imagine the questions she would have had.  Yeah very thankful that she went to a friends today!

So there you have it a pregnancy update and a little hilarity to your day.
Go hug your kids breath in the smells of fall and tell someone you love them!
jen

Funny Things I Saw

PUBLIC TOILETS
You know those self flushing toilets?
The ones where you move an inch and you are on a cheap bidet, unsanitary at best.
Well try being 3 and wiggly on a toilet, after a few free toilet showers you don’t want to sit for long.
At Sam’s Club a few weeks ago I realized I had to do something or we would have “clean up in aisle 7.”
The sensor was too high to cover with my purse and just high enough that her little head kept setting it off. Well after the Sam’s Club bathroom issue, I posted a picture of the cursed toilet sensor on Facebook.  IMG_0693
Keith’s Aunt responded with the solution of carrying post-it notes in my purse and putting a post-it over the sensor.
I carry a mom purse so I put a small pack of post-it’s in my purse.IMG_0832Voila no more flushing while little A sits on the public toilet, singing about the stars or what ever song she is singing as her feet are swinging.

THE BAT CAVE
We saw this sign while traveling to NC for our vacation.IMG_0833Who knew the Bat Cave would be so easy to find.

SIGNSIMG_0384This sign is hung in many of the rooms at our pediatrician’s office.  The other rooms have signs threatening some other adult torture.  I went a few months ago with O who wanted to know how in the world it would happen, so I texted a friend to call me,  She was disappointed that no actual song started playing in the room.

A HOME MADE SWING
The weeks before school ended we were coming home and noticed an unusual swing hanging in a yard.DSCN3447Seems safe enough to us.  The house was repossessed the same week and the new owners have been hard at work trying to clean it up {I counted 1 dumpster load and have not been by the house every day since school ended.}

DON’T EAT YOUR BROTHERS
When we went to the beach a few weeks ago O took some funny pictures.  We were laughing so hard that we had to stop to gain composure.DSCN3428One big bite.DSCN3423And he is almost gone.
I guess that is the easy way to get rid of a younger brother.

What about you?  Have you taken pictures of some of the funny things you have seen recently?

Go hug your kids and point out the funny things you see to someone.  Laughter is so good for the heart!
jen

A Trip to IKEA (In Costume)

So I took my own advice for a rainy day.
We went to IKEA.
To play Hide~n~Seek
But with a twist
In Costume

DSCN4279C did not to put on a costume.  {little bunny is O’s friend}DSCN4280Boldy go where no jammies/costume people have gone.

Once inside R and J sat in the lobby for 3 minutes while the girls took off to hide.

DSCN4282C choose to shop with us while the kids went off to hide or be found.  I have no idea why he is making crazy eyes…DSCN4283“I’ve been expecting you…”  {said in a creepy bad guy voice}DSCN4288We stumbled upon the girls in the children’s area.  We kept A with us while the girls took off again to hide.DSCN4286Telling me about his hiding spot while he waited for the girls to hide again.  R was perfectly comfortable in his costume.DSCN4291Yes someone showed the boy “duck face” which looks just as ridiculous on him as it does on teen girls doing “selfies” in school bathroom mirrors.DSCN4290One last round of Hide~n~Seek.

We did get a few fun things while out shopping.  I needed more glasses and they have for $.59 each.  We break a glass a week at our house.  Or more.  On Sunday I knocked 2 glasses off the counter, they both broke.  It happens all the time.  My silly family loves to try out new foods so we always pick up a sample of something while we are there.  I’ll save you the trouble, the marshmallow candy is not so good. O was completely grossed out that they ingredient list includes gelatin made from pork.  Then I told her most gelatin is made from pork or chemicals.  I think she is stunned and disgusted.  J was interested in the apple sparkling drink, he has not tried it yet.  I also purchased a jar of chocolate spread with caramel candy bits inside.  Not too sure if it should go on graham crackers or eaten straight out of the jar.  C talked me into a floor desk mat to keep his wood floor from being scratched up by his desk chair.  My sister got a few things too.  She purchased a sweet girlie set of curtains for baby girl’s room.  Don’t forget to pray for the baby that she will one day adopt.  Praying for the birth mom and praying for peace as we wait for God to give us this baby.  {I also need to make baby girl’s bassinet bedding.}21342_10200545470172045_2109399029_nTa~Da!  The cute turquoise cart my sister purchased and put together for her 31 office.  BTW this month for every $31 you spend on ThirtyOne in July, you save 31%off any product, check it out at My Thirty One  }

What about you?  Would you wear a costume to IKEA, would you let your children wear a costume to IKEA or another store, not at Halloween time?

Go hug your kids and play a game of Hide~n~Seek with someone.
jen1003267_10202043895085178_1145645733_nOne last shot of my costumed kids.  They make me smile!

A Little Visitor

We had a little visitor while we were up at the resort.

Here are a few pictures…

DSCN4010Here is our visitor out our kitchen window.DSCN4011A little closer.DSCN4013J and our visitor.DSCN4021She is a brave little girl.DSCN4015Who knew that deer would not be friends with O.DSCN4024A little reading, the deer likes H.P. book 5 as much as R.DSCN4028Finally E was brave enough to offer the deer a banana.DSCN4020C and the deer were fast friends.

Only 1 day left in the mountains for us.  We are cold, had 2 days of rains and the kids took long hikes.  Today all the kids but little A {we stayed back to take a nap, it was nice.}  But Keith, my sister and 5 of the kids hiked for 6.5 miles.  They were very tired when they got home.  We have laughed until we are gasping for air, we have hiked until our feet hurt {We as in the family NOT me}.  We had s’mores 2 times, We stayed up way too late playing games, and enjoying each other.  The little kids have gone to their grandparents for a second breakfast, we have had a great time.  I won’t talk about the spiders or mouse poop.

Go hug your kids and make a memory today.
jen

P.S.  the deer was a wall hanging.  We had too much free time and decided to do a photo-op with the poor deer.  We were busy putting it in the window while my sister was in the bathroom.  When she walked out of the bathroom she jumped back with a yelp and was quite startled at the deer in the window.  Until she realized it was fake and we had a good laugh at her.

A little bit of funny the last week of school.

The end of school brings crazy rushing get projects done, study for final exams, and try to motivate the kids to finish strong.  End of the year means class parties, finals for the big kids, and awards.  Trying to get up and moving is getting more difficult, leaving on time is a challenge but the year is ending and summer vacation is quick approaching.  Here are a few quick funnies from the past few days.

~Tuesday morning I told little A that I needed to color my hair.  She put her hands on her hair and said “oh mommy do brown like me” I smiled at her, she took that as a cue to keep going “pretty please, pretty please brown like mine”  I told her we’d see what color it turns out to be.  A few minutes later while coloring my hair with her company, she said “Oh mommy I like your green hair”  WHAT!?!?  I am not going green “look mommy your hair is turning green, now it is turning blue.”  Looks like it is time to shut the girl out of the bathroom when I am doing that task.

~I went to help Keith with some of the house project this last weekend.  When I came out, he was perched on top of a ladder and holding something over his head.  He looked over at me and laughed.  “What? I came to help.”  “You need to go back inside” he insisted, “I don’t want your help.”  I could not figure out why, his answer ” you look ridiculous in that outfit.”  It was my set painting outfit I was covered in many colors of set, most of Wonka set had rubbed against me, or I had used my shirt as a handy rag, and the new kitchen paint was prominent along the sleeves.  I laughed at him and kept cleaning up his mess outside.

~We only have a few days left of school.  On Tuesday I was trying to motivate them to finish with fun.  On our way to school I said “Only 5 more wake-ups then C will be a SENIOR, only 5 more wake-ups and R will be a HIGH SCHOOLER.  To which O told me to stop talking and R told me, “mom I’m only going into 8th grade.”  Yeah I need more sleep.

~Asking little A about her Bible story at church, she goes from one story to another, telling us that “Daniel caught a lion with his fishing pole”  maybe she is not the best listener in the class.

Butterfinger~Curse you Butterfinger Bites.  Have you had them yet?  I am ashamed to say once I opened the bag I hid them from the kids.  They may or may be gone already.  I admit I am a chocolate snob.  I only like good dark chocolate, I like dark it can have add ins or it can be solid dark.  I love good chocolate, the candy in the check out line does not tempt me.  I had a coupon for these and they were on sale so I grabbed a bag to share at movie night.  Yea I did not share.

Go hug your kids they need your love.
jen